I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
