Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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