to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Come see our sink grown plant.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
