i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Randomize
