do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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