Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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