dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
