How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
