Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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