I'm really into asian looking animals
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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