I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize