Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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