After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
