I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
