We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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