the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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