Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize