I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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