Non-Jews are for practice
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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