I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
