How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize