Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
