MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
