I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
