ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
