I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
