Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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