My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
