it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My bed smells like the plague
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
