i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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