so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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