For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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