please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
