i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
