why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize