i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
