I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
