I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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