mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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