did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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