Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
