My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
