I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
