Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
