Just look for the house with the beer knights.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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