I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
