We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
