All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize