Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
