Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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