just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
