dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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