This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
