We won't sleep together?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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