i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
