are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i now understand why vodka
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
