Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
