i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
