last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We got so high we made milksteak
im holly from the hills drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
