i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
