Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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