We named our party play list daddy issues
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
