it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize