I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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