Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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