i think my tv is drunk
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Come see our sink grown plant.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
