I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
