you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
