What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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