I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
