Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
