She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
