I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
