How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
