I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
