honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
