he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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