I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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