I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
